On this podcast episode, Monique was interviewed by BecTheCaptivator, host of That’s so Hot Podcast. They discussed the concept of external validation, manifesting, and slowing down to speed up.
You can play the episode here below or if you prefer, you can go ahead and read this article.
External Validation vs Internal Validation
External validation means seeking approval from others. Sometimes we rely too much on what other people think about us. We get excited when we get likes, comments, and shares on social media because it feels good. It’s like a burst of energy! But it can also make us feel anxious, like when we worry about not getting enough likes.
You need to know how to be okay with whatever you do or do not do, and this is Internal validation.
External validation feels more exciting to us than internal validation because internal validation is calm. If you put one next to the other, it can feel like anxiety too.
Excitement and anxiety have the same physical sensations, but the difference is the story that our brain tells us.
The problem is, if you are getting excited & anxious every time someone validates you, you will never be able to feel that calm validation from the inside out that you actually need to feel worthy, good enough, and be okay with whatever it is going on in the rest of your life without having this external validation.
If we always depend on other people’s approval, we won’t feel good about ourselves from the inside. We need to learn how to feel worthy and okay with who we are, even without external validation. Imagine if people suddenly stop giving us likes and comments. We might feel anxious all the time and start doing things just to get attention. That’s not good because we should do things because we enjoy them, not just for validation.
There’s no one “right” way to do things, so if someone asks “what is the one way to stop external validation from influencing me?” There is no one way, so you have to find the right way that works for you. So, don’t believe someone who claims they have all the answers. We each have to find our own path and what works for us.
When I work with my clients, I ask them about what they don’t want. It’s easier to figure out what we don’t like than what we do like. Sometimes we try many things, and that’s okay if we realize we don’t enjoy them. It’s normal to be scared of failing, but we shouldn’t let that stop us. Failing doesn’t mean we’re bad at everything. It’s just a way to learn and grow.
When we try new things, it’s like an experiment. We test different options to see what works and what doesn’t. It’s all about learning and exploring!
What does it mean to be a Change-Maker?
Well, change-makers are people who want to make a difference in society. It doesn’t have to be something huge; it can start right in our own community. They want to change things for the better. But not all changes are good changes. The important thing is that the change is for the greatest good, meaning it helps as many people as possible.
Sometimes, people might try to make changes just to make lots of money for themselves, without thinking about the people who are actually doing the work and not getting paid enough. That’s not fair or a win-win situation. Let’s take the fashion industry as an example. Sometimes, the way it operates is not good for everyone involved. But if we, as change-makers, use our voices, power, skills, and innovation, we can move things in a better direction.
There are many systems that need to be broken down and rebuilt into better systems and structures. That’s what I’m trying to do with my business. By creating positive social impact, we become change-makers. We want to make the world a better place and help as many people as we can.
Manifesting: Taking inspired action
Here are my tips for manifesting, and they’re not all mysterious or “whoo”! They’re actually quite logical.
The most important thing is to know exactly what you want and why you want it. The “why” is really important. Just sitting and wishing for something without taking action won’t make it happen. The real power comes from taking inspired action.
Inspired action doesn’t mean doing everything or being all over the place. It means focusing on one thing each day that will help you reach your goal. For example, let’s say you want to manifest a safari trip worth $5000 next year. It’s something on your bucket list that you haven’t done yet because you didn’t have the time.
Now, why do you want to go on a safari? For me, it’s because I feel a strong connection to wild animals. They give me strength and insights, and being around them makes me feel uplifted and powerful. That’s my personal reason for wanting to go on a safari.
If I keep this in mind and stay focused on my goal, it will happen much faster than if I simply think, “It would be nice to see a wild elephant.”
To make it happen, I use reverse engineering. I start with the end goal, which is the safari trip, and then I make a list of steps I need to take to achieve that goal. I write them down in order, prioritize them, and schedule them.
The first thing I would do is block off the time in my calendar for the safari trip. Then I work my way backward, thinking about how much money I need to save and what arrangements I need to make for my dog, for example. I have several months to organize everything, and each time I complete a step from my list, I remind myself of how powerful and meaningful the experience with the animals will be for me.
I haven’t figured out all the details yet, like how I will get there or where the money will come from. There’s still flexibility for those things to happen.
If I just sit and ask the universe to bring me the safari, the universe will tell me, “You have to take action to get there.” So it’s important to be proactive and take steps towards your goals.
Slowing down to speed up
Let’s talk about the idea of slowing down to speed up. Some people think that if they slow down, they will miss out on things. But actually, it’s the opposite! Imagine you’re doing so many things all at once. You rush through your tasks, take care of your family, answer emails and phone calls, and more. But when you do everything in a hurry, you miss important details and the quality of your work may suffer. You might also forget to take care of yourself.
Society has taught us for a long time that we need to keep pushing, hustling, and grinding. It’s like a program that we’ve been given. But when we slow down, we actually have more time to think, be creative, and make better decisions. We can deliver higher quality work and take care of ourselves.
Slowing down also helps us realize that we can’t do everything at once. We start to see that many things we don’t have as much impact on our lives or work as we think. We can actually delegate or let go of some tasks. We don’t have to do everything ourselves.
So remember, slowing down doesn’t mean missing out. It means taking the time to do things well, make better choices, and focus on what truly matters.
CREATE Momentum WITH YOUR new Habits
If you are looking to get support to figure out which of your habits may need change, which ones to build a rock-solid foundation with, and where to get started – book a Momentum session with me today.